This post is a little revealing of myself, but I prefer honesty in sharing because that is really how we can learn and grow with ourselves and in listening to others. The last couple of months has been a major transition for my family. We left an area were I had built my dream so that my husband could follow the dream that God put inside of him. The two couldn’t be done together. I had a willing heart but sometimes the details can be a little scary with essentially no money.
Our prayer has been every day for as long as I can remember that God would fill us full of wisdom and knowledge and understanding that he would keep us on His straight and narrow path that He would draw us close to Him and soften our hearts towards Him. When praying for God to move in an area in which you don’t necessarily see tangible results as in “God please pay off my house,” you sometimes don’t realize that He is answering those prayers until you wake up and look back over your life.
Since leaving Forerunner Christian Academy, the private school that I started in Bonham, TX, I have really struggled to find my purpose or I guess I should say I have struggled in being secure in my purpose. I have known what my heart wants to do; however, I am also now responsible for the task of bringing in a full-time income for my family as my husband is now a full-time student pressing towards law school in the fall. Yet, the time that it takes to work a traditional full-time job would keep me from being able to homeschool my kids (which God has put a burning desire inside of me to do), do all that my family needs me to do on a daily basis, develop this website, and minister to women in the way that I am called to minister to women. So, my dilemma has been needing a full-time income, but being called to be things that currently do not pay. Hmmmm…
God has provided for us in amazing ways over the past couple of months. We do have a stream of income from our Advocare business, and God has blessed us through that. He has also opened doors for us to earn money in ways that we would have never expected. For instance, my brother-in-law approached my husband about trying to sell his truck for him. My sister didn’t think that it would sell especially since my husband was asking $5,000 more than what they owed on the truck. My brother-in-law said that we could have 50% of whatever profit was made on the sale. Within two weeks, the truck was sold for full asking price, and we received a check for $2500. Our bills were paid for the month. Each month, we have been blessed in different ways.
Even though we have seen tangible ways that God is providing our needs because we are trusting in Him, we still have days where in a panic (because we are human), we are trying to figure it all out on our own. My struggle the past two months has literally felt like I have been on an emotional roller coaster which is not characteristic of my personality at all. Sean and I will talk about me going out and getting a job and over the next couple of days while I am thinking and planning and trying to figure out how everything will “work” in the context of me getting a job outside of the house, I would literally feel like I was in the midst of panic attacks and depression.
I knew what I felt that God was wanting me to do deep down and no matter what the circumstances around me were…even though I couldn’t see where our next meal was coming from…I needed to fully trust in Him for the provision even though I didn’t know the source. The past three days I have had an overwhelming sense of peace. God has opened my eyes to the process that I am going through (maybe my prayer of understanding being answered
. My personality is that of a doer. I get an idea, grab onto it with everything that I have, and go for it. I have had many opportunities to jump out and “do” something…then the anxiety would set in. God showed me that He has a different plan for me. He knows that I am willing to go and work myself into the ground to provide for my family. He related my process to bumper pads. God is wanting me to go in the direction that he has set for me even though in the natural there could be questions as to whether we could even feed our family. Each time, I think that I might need to do something different (get a job because maybe I am not hearing God correctly) then the panic sets in. We have prayed every night that God keeps us on His straight and narrow path. God reminded me of this and used the bumper pads to relate it to me. As soon as I would start to veer in another direction, my emotions would seem to get out of whack (peace of God slipping away) as soon as my head was were God wanted/needed it to be even though I couldn’t see a paycheck in site, the peace of God was on me and I could function again. I would hit the bumper pad and gently be knocked back to the center of His path.
I have been absolutely amazed by the complexity and greatness of God. We have realized and appreciated the process that we have been going through even though we have struggled mentally through parts of it. There are so many things that we have learned and experienced. So much growth has taken place. God is good all the time and even though we don’t necessarily know where all of our money will be coming from to pay our bills in January, we know that God already has that money set aside and will get it to us when the time is right. What an incredible God we serve!
Our prayer has been every day for as long as I can remember that God would fill us full of wisdom and knowledge and understanding that he would keep us on His straight and narrow path that He would draw us close to Him and soften our hearts towards Him. When praying for God to move in an area in which you don’t necessarily see tangible results as in “God please pay off my house,” you sometimes don’t realize that He is answering those prayers until you wake up and look back over your life.
Since leaving Forerunner Christian Academy, the private school that I started in Bonham, TX, I have really struggled to find my purpose or I guess I should say I have struggled in being secure in my purpose. I have known what my heart wants to do; however, I am also now responsible for the task of bringing in a full-time income for my family as my husband is now a full-time student pressing towards law school in the fall. Yet, the time that it takes to work a traditional full-time job would keep me from being able to homeschool my kids (which God has put a burning desire inside of me to do), do all that my family needs me to do on a daily basis, develop this website, and minister to women in the way that I am called to minister to women. So, my dilemma has been needing a full-time income, but being called to be things that currently do not pay. Hmmmm…
God has provided for us in amazing ways over the past couple of months. We do have a stream of income from our Advocare business, and God has blessed us through that. He has also opened doors for us to earn money in ways that we would have never expected. For instance, my brother-in-law approached my husband about trying to sell his truck for him. My sister didn’t think that it would sell especially since my husband was asking $5,000 more than what they owed on the truck. My brother-in-law said that we could have 50% of whatever profit was made on the sale. Within two weeks, the truck was sold for full asking price, and we received a check for $2500. Our bills were paid for the month. Each month, we have been blessed in different ways.
Even though we have seen tangible ways that God is providing our needs because we are trusting in Him, we still have days where in a panic (because we are human), we are trying to figure it all out on our own. My struggle the past two months has literally felt like I have been on an emotional roller coaster which is not characteristic of my personality at all. Sean and I will talk about me going out and getting a job and over the next couple of days while I am thinking and planning and trying to figure out how everything will “work” in the context of me getting a job outside of the house, I would literally feel like I was in the midst of panic attacks and depression.
I knew what I felt that God was wanting me to do deep down and no matter what the circumstances around me were…even though I couldn’t see where our next meal was coming from…I needed to fully trust in Him for the provision even though I didn’t know the source. The past three days I have had an overwhelming sense of peace. God has opened my eyes to the process that I am going through (maybe my prayer of understanding being answered
. My personality is that of a doer. I get an idea, grab onto it with everything that I have, and go for it. I have had many opportunities to jump out and “do” something…then the anxiety would set in. God showed me that He has a different plan for me. He knows that I am willing to go and work myself into the ground to provide for my family. He related my process to bumper pads. God is wanting me to go in the direction that he has set for me even though in the natural there could be questions as to whether we could even feed our family. Each time, I think that I might need to do something different (get a job because maybe I am not hearing God correctly) then the panic sets in. We have prayed every night that God keeps us on His straight and narrow path. God reminded me of this and used the bumper pads to relate it to me. As soon as I would start to veer in another direction, my emotions would seem to get out of whack (peace of God slipping away) as soon as my head was were God wanted/needed it to be even though I couldn’t see a paycheck in site, the peace of God was on me and I could function again. I would hit the bumper pad and gently be knocked back to the center of His path.I have been absolutely amazed by the complexity and greatness of God. We have realized and appreciated the process that we have been going through even though we have struggled mentally through parts of it. There are so many things that we have learned and experienced. So much growth has taken place. God is good all the time and even though we don’t necessarily know where all of our money will be coming from to pay our bills in January, we know that God already has that money set aside and will get it to us when the time is right. What an incredible God we serve!
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