I am totally amazed by God this morning. I have always believed that He could work and do the impossible weaving situations and multiplying seeds sown, but this week, we have experienced it fully. If you have read my other blog postings, then you know a little bit about the situation of our family. We have no consistent income. Our only reliable income is through Advocare but that can vary each paycheck as we are working to build a sustainable income. Really at this time in our life, our income comes from where ever God sends it.
This period has been such an incredible opportunity for growth in the areas of faith and obedience. It has caused us to trust in God for our provision and not in a “job” or another source. It hasn’t always been easy. There have been some financial panic attacks along the way. There have been times that we have wondered how we were going to feed our 3 kids. There has been a little bit of yelling in frustration, but through this process, God and the situations have retrained our thought processes. Now instead of panic when our pantry is running on empty, we look forward to seeing how God is going to supply our needs. We have learned the true meaning of Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
I will be honest here. Even though God was doing the above, because his word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11), we had a hard time seeing it because we were expecting more than our “daily bread.” This week has been another incredible week in the revelation of our process. It all started Saturday night during our church service as I sat down and noticed this sweet little older lady sitting next to me. She grabbed my attention because she looked very out of place. She was all alone, maybe in her seventies, and was dressed very nice but her clothing looked like they belonged to a thirty year old. She was a very stylish grandmother. She had no wedding band on, and during the whole service, I wondered about her story. She was very interactive with me. During greet a neighbor time, we hugged and said Merry Christmas, but I still couldn’t help but wonder about her life outside of this service. She intrigued me.
Towards the end of the service, I had this urging to want to do something for her to show her that she was loved. I couldn’t really think of much other than maybe to give her some money. I thought about the $5 bill that I had had in my wallet for the last several weeks, but shook it off as that was hardly anything to do anything with. Then I thought of the $60 that I had in my pocket given to me by my Grandma to buy Christmas presents for my 3 children on her behalf. The plan was to buy the gifts, wrap them up, and then bring them to her house on Christmas so that she could watch them open the gifts from her. I had so much inner turmoil going on at the end of that service. I had no problem giving this lady $60 even in light of our situation; however, the $60 represented Christmas for my children and their Christmas would be very slim as it was. I also wondered what my Grandma would think. She was a Christian but did not understand this way of thinking and doing in faith.
I started to wonder if this was really what God wanted me to do. Then, I thought, well it is definitely not something that would be my idea to do: give away $60 worth of Christmas for my children. Then the churning in my stomach hit where I knew that I would be walking in disobedience if I did not give the lady the money. As my Pastor finished up the blessing over us at the end of the sermon, the lady turned in the other direction down the pew and headed for the door. I stuttered a bit in my mind, stuttered a bit at my husband (with the $60 in my hand), and then chased the lady down the row. I tapped her on the shoulder, gave her the money, told her it was from God, wished her a Merry Christmas, and turned back to follow my husband out the other doors.
Sean asked what that was all about, and as I told him, I burst into tears. I trusted God, but I knew how big of a sacrifice that was. Monday evening and Tuesday morning were very difficult for Sean and me as we were dealing with a water bill situation. We seemed to have missed the fine print on our water bill that said that if our water bill was not paid by 5 PM on Monday evening then a $60 charge would be assessed (which was almost the amount of another full month’s worth of water). This $60 fee would would be the last of our money with no idea where or when anymore money would come our way. It was one of those moments were we could crumble in the face of our situation or believe that God is everything that He says that He is….and for a moment….we were crumbling. Sean was angry, I was “wilting” and wondering if we were making the right choices, Sean was saying hurtful things, I ending up swinging punches at him in frustration, he pinned me to the ground to keep from getting hit, and I balled on the floor until he realized how much it had escalated. Even though this is the ugly truth, I want to be real in these blogs because healing can happen for you and for me with truth and honesty and in shedding light on darkness. No one is perfect and no one reacts perfectly in all situations all the time. My husband and I have a wonderful healthy relationship because we are transparent in our relationship and talk through these situations and the issues behind them. We do not stuff our problems and our thoughts. They are all out in the open.
The situation ended with me telling him that I can do what we are doing each and every day and live like we are living in complete faith if he can be fully there in faith with me. I start to question and doubt when he gets angry and frustrated out of fear and doubt. Because if we have complete trust in God and faith that His ways are better than our ways, then fear, doubt, anger, and frustration have no place. This can’t work if one believes and one doesn’t. There has to be unity. (I will have to post at a later point on how we even got to a point of unity in our relationship because we started off about as opposite as you can get when it comes to the things of God. Our relationship has been a process.)
In the midst of the water bill situation, my mom called and said that she spoke with my grandma, and my grandma was all excited wondering what all we were able to get for the 3 kids with the $60 that she had sent. My mom didn’t know at this point that I had given the money away. I told her to tell my grandma that Christmas wasn’t here yet, and we hadn’t been shopping yet. I got off the phone and affirmed to myself, “God, I trust in you. God, I trust in you.”
That afternoon as I sat thinking about the events of the week, God began to show me that He was and is providing for our daily needs. Even though we may not have a solid plan while Sean is finishing up school with secure income, insurance, and a 401K, God does have a plan for our next year and our next 10 years that will far outweigh any plan that we could ever dream up ourselves (as we have tried to do when doubt begins to creep in. Read my blog post Bumper Pads). God had taken care us each day even though at the start of the day we didn’t know how it would happen. We may not live in abundance financially at the moment, but our daily needs are cared for.
I drew a line for us. I told Sean that in order to save our sanity we needed to make a conscious decision as to whether we trusted God despite our circumstances or whether we did not. Of course, he said that he trusted God. Then I said that in those moments when it seems that our world is falling apart, we have to remind ourselves that God is in control and has a plan and that we are walking in His will and He will take care of all of our needs. We have to trust and not point fingers or blame. He agreed.
Literally within a matter of 2 days, we received $500 from Advocare, $200 for Sean helping out my sister’s husband with his business while he was out of town last week (this was unexpected as Sean was just helping him out as a brother), an unexpected 2 day delivery trip that paid $300, an unexpected scholarship award of $600 that was immediately paid out, and a text message that $100 was being mailed to us. Our bank account went from $0 to $1700 in a matter of 2 days AND all of our bills have already been paid for the month of December. The week is still not over and many other opportunities have opened up just in this week. God proved in a very visible way that when we are obedient then he is faithful to bless. When we are obedient, it opens the door for God to be able to move in and be God. When we can pry our fingers off of the things that we think are so important in our lives (the $60 for my kid’s gifts) then God is able to move in and do so much more. Now our kids will receive a bit more than $60 worth of gifts for Christmas because we were willing to trust in God and give up all that we thought that they had. It reminds me of the story of Abraham and Isaac. God could move knowing that He had Abraham’s full attention. These events have greatly impacted our family and the few others that I have shared it with. I pray that it impacts you as well and that you have the courage to trust a little more and go a little more deeper with God who has your best interest at heart.
***UPDATE: I couldn’t wait to get back to this posting. Not more than an hour after I posted this story, my sister came over to drop off my nephews for the night. She handed me a Christmas card from my dad. Inside was a Christmas gift of $300. I said above that the week wasn’t over yet. On Monday less than 2 weeks from Christmas with $0 in our bank account and nearly no presents for our children, we stood with a decision…to waver in our faith and fall into normal ways of thinking or believe that God is who He says He is. After a moment of waver and then a decision that we would chase God no matter our circumstances, we have an extra $2,000 in a matter of 2 days. I am so thankful for a powerful God who calls us HIS children.
This period has been such an incredible opportunity for growth in the areas of faith and obedience. It has caused us to trust in God for our provision and not in a “job” or another source. It hasn’t always been easy. There have been some financial panic attacks along the way. There have been times that we have wondered how we were going to feed our 3 kids. There has been a little bit of yelling in frustration, but through this process, God and the situations have retrained our thought processes. Now instead of panic when our pantry is running on empty, we look forward to seeing how God is going to supply our needs. We have learned the true meaning of Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
I will be honest here. Even though God was doing the above, because his word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11), we had a hard time seeing it because we were expecting more than our “daily bread.” This week has been another incredible week in the revelation of our process. It all started Saturday night during our church service as I sat down and noticed this sweet little older lady sitting next to me. She grabbed my attention because she looked very out of place. She was all alone, maybe in her seventies, and was dressed very nice but her clothing looked like they belonged to a thirty year old. She was a very stylish grandmother. She had no wedding band on, and during the whole service, I wondered about her story. She was very interactive with me. During greet a neighbor time, we hugged and said Merry Christmas, but I still couldn’t help but wonder about her life outside of this service. She intrigued me.
Towards the end of the service, I had this urging to want to do something for her to show her that she was loved. I couldn’t really think of much other than maybe to give her some money. I thought about the $5 bill that I had had in my wallet for the last several weeks, but shook it off as that was hardly anything to do anything with. Then I thought of the $60 that I had in my pocket given to me by my Grandma to buy Christmas presents for my 3 children on her behalf. The plan was to buy the gifts, wrap them up, and then bring them to her house on Christmas so that she could watch them open the gifts from her. I had so much inner turmoil going on at the end of that service. I had no problem giving this lady $60 even in light of our situation; however, the $60 represented Christmas for my children and their Christmas would be very slim as it was. I also wondered what my Grandma would think. She was a Christian but did not understand this way of thinking and doing in faith.
I started to wonder if this was really what God wanted me to do. Then, I thought, well it is definitely not something that would be my idea to do: give away $60 worth of Christmas for my children. Then the churning in my stomach hit where I knew that I would be walking in disobedience if I did not give the lady the money. As my Pastor finished up the blessing over us at the end of the sermon, the lady turned in the other direction down the pew and headed for the door. I stuttered a bit in my mind, stuttered a bit at my husband (with the $60 in my hand), and then chased the lady down the row. I tapped her on the shoulder, gave her the money, told her it was from God, wished her a Merry Christmas, and turned back to follow my husband out the other doors.
Sean asked what that was all about, and as I told him, I burst into tears. I trusted God, but I knew how big of a sacrifice that was. Monday evening and Tuesday morning were very difficult for Sean and me as we were dealing with a water bill situation. We seemed to have missed the fine print on our water bill that said that if our water bill was not paid by 5 PM on Monday evening then a $60 charge would be assessed (which was almost the amount of another full month’s worth of water). This $60 fee would would be the last of our money with no idea where or when anymore money would come our way. It was one of those moments were we could crumble in the face of our situation or believe that God is everything that He says that He is….and for a moment….we were crumbling. Sean was angry, I was “wilting” and wondering if we were making the right choices, Sean was saying hurtful things, I ending up swinging punches at him in frustration, he pinned me to the ground to keep from getting hit, and I balled on the floor until he realized how much it had escalated. Even though this is the ugly truth, I want to be real in these blogs because healing can happen for you and for me with truth and honesty and in shedding light on darkness. No one is perfect and no one reacts perfectly in all situations all the time. My husband and I have a wonderful healthy relationship because we are transparent in our relationship and talk through these situations and the issues behind them. We do not stuff our problems and our thoughts. They are all out in the open.
The situation ended with me telling him that I can do what we are doing each and every day and live like we are living in complete faith if he can be fully there in faith with me. I start to question and doubt when he gets angry and frustrated out of fear and doubt. Because if we have complete trust in God and faith that His ways are better than our ways, then fear, doubt, anger, and frustration have no place. This can’t work if one believes and one doesn’t. There has to be unity. (I will have to post at a later point on how we even got to a point of unity in our relationship because we started off about as opposite as you can get when it comes to the things of God. Our relationship has been a process.)
In the midst of the water bill situation, my mom called and said that she spoke with my grandma, and my grandma was all excited wondering what all we were able to get for the 3 kids with the $60 that she had sent. My mom didn’t know at this point that I had given the money away. I told her to tell my grandma that Christmas wasn’t here yet, and we hadn’t been shopping yet. I got off the phone and affirmed to myself, “God, I trust in you. God, I trust in you.”
That afternoon as I sat thinking about the events of the week, God began to show me that He was and is providing for our daily needs. Even though we may not have a solid plan while Sean is finishing up school with secure income, insurance, and a 401K, God does have a plan for our next year and our next 10 years that will far outweigh any plan that we could ever dream up ourselves (as we have tried to do when doubt begins to creep in. Read my blog post Bumper Pads). God had taken care us each day even though at the start of the day we didn’t know how it would happen. We may not live in abundance financially at the moment, but our daily needs are cared for.
I drew a line for us. I told Sean that in order to save our sanity we needed to make a conscious decision as to whether we trusted God despite our circumstances or whether we did not. Of course, he said that he trusted God. Then I said that in those moments when it seems that our world is falling apart, we have to remind ourselves that God is in control and has a plan and that we are walking in His will and He will take care of all of our needs. We have to trust and not point fingers or blame. He agreed.
Literally within a matter of 2 days, we received $500 from Advocare, $200 for Sean helping out my sister’s husband with his business while he was out of town last week (this was unexpected as Sean was just helping him out as a brother), an unexpected 2 day delivery trip that paid $300, an unexpected scholarship award of $600 that was immediately paid out, and a text message that $100 was being mailed to us. Our bank account went from $0 to $1700 in a matter of 2 days AND all of our bills have already been paid for the month of December. The week is still not over and many other opportunities have opened up just in this week. God proved in a very visible way that when we are obedient then he is faithful to bless. When we are obedient, it opens the door for God to be able to move in and be God. When we can pry our fingers off of the things that we think are so important in our lives (the $60 for my kid’s gifts) then God is able to move in and do so much more. Now our kids will receive a bit more than $60 worth of gifts for Christmas because we were willing to trust in God and give up all that we thought that they had. It reminds me of the story of Abraham and Isaac. God could move knowing that He had Abraham’s full attention. These events have greatly impacted our family and the few others that I have shared it with. I pray that it impacts you as well and that you have the courage to trust a little more and go a little more deeper with God who has your best interest at heart.
***UPDATE: I couldn’t wait to get back to this posting. Not more than an hour after I posted this story, my sister came over to drop off my nephews for the night. She handed me a Christmas card from my dad. Inside was a Christmas gift of $300. I said above that the week wasn’t over yet. On Monday less than 2 weeks from Christmas with $0 in our bank account and nearly no presents for our children, we stood with a decision…to waver in our faith and fall into normal ways of thinking or believe that God is who He says He is. After a moment of waver and then a decision that we would chase God no matter our circumstances, we have an extra $2,000 in a matter of 2 days. I am so thankful for a powerful God who calls us HIS children.
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