I had the privilege Friday night to speak at the Declaring War Women’s Retreat – The Heart of A Mother in McKinney. I have put a lot of thought into what really makes a bond between a mother and her children so special. The past 8 months have served as a transitional time for my family which has given me much opportunity to evaluate different areas of my life in relation to the Word of God.
God’s ultimate desire is for us to engage in a relationship with Him. Out of our intimate connection with Him flows all of the abundance and peace that we so desire, crave, and need in life. I have noticed that a lot of Christians, including myself earlier in life, spend the majority of their time trying to live according to His laws and being obedient to His Word. However, as I have experienced, this leaves us feeling defeated as we are only human and are never able to fully live up to His standards. We end up living life feeling like we are constantly missing the mark. God knew this would happen. He introduced His laws to show us our need for a Savior. The birth and death of Jesus opened up the opportunity for us once again to be in relationship with God on an intimate level…no longer did we have to go through a priest. We have full access to Him whenever and where ever we want it.
My desire has always been to be the very best mother that I could be for my three children. I tried my best to protect them from all dangers, feed them, clothe them, discipline them, instill good manners, and initiate and foster a relationship with God. When we needed extra income, I did everything in my power to find ways of making income while still being at home with them. When it came time for school, I started a preschool and then a private school to keep that connection with them (among many other reasons). When we moved away from the town that the school was started in, I homeschooled them even though we had no source of income (Sean was in college full time) so that I was still near to them. I put all of my faith in God for His provision. I value the closeness and am willing to sacrifice what I need to sacrifice for it.



However, in this time that we have been home over the past 8 months, I realized that even though I was saying that I loved my kids, taking care of their basic needs, sacrificing income on their behalf, and desiring to be “present” in their life that I was really missing the big picture on what was the most important thing about being a mother. I had never really taken the time to foster a deep seeded relationship with my children. I was too “busy” doing what I thought a mother should “do.” This correlation can also be made in the church today. Many times Christians are so busy running around trying to do the things that they think that they are suppose to do to be good Christians that they are neglecting the fact that God simply wants an intimate relationship with them. This doing, doing, doing without putting relationship first leaves one bitter and burned out. He doesn’t care how much we serve in the church. He doesn’t care about the amount of our offering check. He doesn’t care about whether we followed all of the rules this week or not. If we don’t have an intimate relationship with Him….nothing else really matters.

Our children don’t care how much we buy for them…as long as we show them that we love them. Our children don’t care if the house is clean or not…as long as they know that if they fail we will never leave them. Our children need to know that they have full access to us whenever they need it despite what is going on in life and despite what they have or have not done. When mothers are so focused on the “doing, doing, doing” they are left feeling bitter and burned out and often time unappreciated. The reason is that there is no solid foundation built in regards to the relationship…at least not on a deep level. Children desire a deep seeded relationship with their parents. It is through this relationship that obedience, respect and honor are bred. Obedience doesn’t have to be forced when the groundwork for the relationship has been laid.

Had I been asked if I had a close relationship with my children, my answer would have been yes. Had you asked my friends and family if I was close to my children, I suppose their answer would have been yes. My revelation into the state of my relationship with my children came when I started noticing identity issues and feelings of unimportance with my 9 year old daughter. My thought was that if she knew how much that she was loved, valued, and forgiven then she would have confidence built and know who she was in this family and within the world. Over the past 4 -5 months, I have done nothing but encourage and nurture her. I have spoken love and mercy continually into her live, and the changes in her demeanor and attitude have been incredible. This mirrors the changes that take place in us when we realize deep down the love and mercy that God has for us….not at a surface level, but at a deep down, meditating on it day and night kind of way. The more revelation that we receive on how special that we are to God the more that our inner being is impacted and changed. We don’t have to try to change; we just do. We can’t stay the same.

I challenge you to seek out how God desires you to be in relationship with Him. Ask Him to teach and show you. Devour His word and discover His desire for you. As He gives you revelation, begin to imitate this relationship with your children. The closer or more intimate we are with God and the more that we can mirror the relationship with our children, the healthier our children will be. Be genuine and real with your children. Feed them love and mercy and watch them transform before your eyes.