January 16, 2011
I was sitting at church this morning chatting with a lady named Melinda. Melinda and her husband are expecting their first child and haven’t decided if they want to find out the sex of their child yet. We began talking about my first child and experiences, and my mind has been there ever since.
Sean and I had decided that we wanted our first child to be a boy. His reasoning was that he knew boys and knew what to do with them (so he thought at that time), and my reasoning was that I wanted the stereotypical older, protective brother for all of my other children. We prayed hard over our first born child. We stood in faith and on scripture as Matthew 21:22 says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” We prayed, and we believed.
We went in for our sonogram so excited to see our tiny son on the screen. We waited in anticipation as the nurse rolled the sonogram wand over my tummy. We were a little disappointed to see that our baby had chosen to be modest, but we left the doctor’s office very confident that our baby was a little boy. Over the next few months, we bought boy clothing, boy bedding, had thoughts of sports and monster trucks, and picked out a boy name. Two days before delivering, we randomly decided to have a girl name “just in case” but didn’t think to much about it.
In the delivery room, we were pumped! We were finally going to meet the little boy that we had prayed for and bonded with over the last nine months. As the baby was being delivered, the doctor was confirming our hopes. The room was excited as he announced that the head looked like the head of a boy and then the shoulders were definately the shoulders of a little boy….but wait, a little further down, SHE definately was NOT a little boy. We were in shock….literally. We were confused and even felt a little disconnected as we had our heads wrapped around the fact that it was going to be a little boy. I even cried and apologized to Sean for not “giving” him a boy. He smiled back at me so tenderly and said that it was ok and that he was very happy to have a healthy little girl.
It took no time to wrap our heads around the idea of having a little girl. She was very different than what what we had expected. Our thought processes changed from blue to pink, from monster trucks to dress up clothes…and we were very excited. Isabelle Nicole grew to be a beautiful, sweet, loving, precious, little girl.
27 months later, we had another beautiful daughter named Victoria Brooke. When we went in for her sonogram, we were hoping for a little boy, but thankful for whatever God chose to bless us with. She was definately girl, and we were thrilled. They both grew up loved and adored.
Six years after having Isabelle, Sean and I started to entertain the idea of having a third child. We had originally wanted to space our 3 or 4 children a lot closer together, but life happened and time got away from us. I think with the third child that we only had to think about getting pregnant, and we were pregnant. It was immediate, and there was a fair amount of shock but excitement as well. Sean looked at me and said that we would be okay even if we ended up with only girls.
We went to the sonogram of our third child and after nearly 7 years, God had blessed us with a baby boy. Again, we were filled with excitement. Caleb was born in August of 2008. He is one of the most loving boys that I have ever seen. He continually gives hugs and kisses. He loves snuggling and cuddling. I literally could not tell you how many time in one day that he says, “I love you, Mommy!” or “I love you, Daddy!” However, he is definately all boy. He plays hard and rough but has such a sweet and tender side to him.
Our family was sitting one day eating lunch. Sean and I were watching our three beautiful children and reflecting. He told me that he was so thankful that God had given him 2 girls before giving him a son. Curious, I asked him why. He said that because of the way that he was raised, he feels that Caleb would not have been nearly as loving and tenderhearted had he been born first.
He told me that his dad never really loved on him growing up in a physical way. Even today, Sean’s dad has a hard time embracing him as his son. Sean told me in that moment that his dad has never told him that he loves him. I say this with all due respect to Sean’s dad. He is an incredibly brilliant man whom I love and respect very deeply. He has accepted me into their family with open arms not merely as a daughter-in-law but as a daughter. Sean and I both know that his dad loves him; it is just something that his dad has apparently never felt comfortable showing or has not known how to show his love for his son.
Sean told me that had he had Caleb first that, although he would have tried to show Caleb his love for him, it would have never compared to the way that he has been taught through his daughters to show love. Having daughters first softened his heart and transformed him into a more tenderhearted man.
I share this story to say that sometimes in what we would consider our “unanswered prayers,” God is doing a much greater work in our life. God knows the whole story; he sees the whole picture. Had I known before our first child that Sean needed two daughters to soften his heart before having a son to make him a better father, then that would have been my prayer. I have learned that God’s way of doing things is far better than my way of doing things. I have learned that focusing on Him, praying that His will be done in our life, and trusting that what happens has reasons for happening in accordance with the plan that He has for my life leaves me full of peace, joy, and even excitement.
If we are in control of our lives, it can leave us stressed and frustrated when things don’t go “just as planned.” If we can turn the control over to God, then we can sit back and enjoy the ride. In Beth Moore’s Inheritance study, she talks about this concept. If you have not been through that study, I highly recommended it. It had a big impact on me.
I like to leave you with a challenge at the end of my blogs because the only way that we improve is by working at improving. Today, I challenge you to rest in God and pray for Him to take control of your life and your situation. He knows what is best. He knows what will happen in the end. If you are praying for God’s will in your life then you can rest in the fact that the direction that you are going in is the direction intended. It may get harder before it gets easier. There is much more that I can discuss about this, but it starts with being willing to relinquish control. Can you pry your fingers off the situation? You know that one. Can you give the outcome to God and speak life over the situation and the people involved? If you can, you will be amazed at the work that God will begin in your life.
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