So much time has passed since the last time I blogged and so much has changed in my life as well. Sitting down to write was once a task that I thought was next to impossible with 3 children who are around me continually and constantly needing my attention. However, I completed my first semester of graduate school a few weeks ago and was amazed that not only was I capable of making the time to write (a requirement of my program,) but I now am actually longing for the next paper that must be written. This desire has led me back to this much neglected blog.

I will work on being more disciplined blogging. :) I have so much to share and so much glory to give to God for the work that He has done and is doing in our life. I will eventually share our journey from Texas to Colorado, but at the moment, I will save that story for another time. The adventure with God has me longing for another adventure. The adventure over the past 1 1/2 years has created a curiosity in me that continually asks, “God, how far will you allow me to go? How dependent can I really be? How wrapped up in you can I really get?”



The first time I had ever fasted was 10 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child. Sean and I had an argument about it because he was concerned that Isabelle would not get the proper nutrients if I wasn’t eating. I remember smiling at him and saying, “I will eat again when I get what I need from God. I don’t know what it is, but I will know when I receive it.” Shortly after, I went to a Bible study, and as I was sitting there, I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, ” Focus on Jesus.” At the time, I didn’t really know what it meant. I did know that that phrase was what I had been waiting on from God although the full impact of it didn’t register until many years later. Sean was relieved that the “fasting” was over and that the duration was only 2 or 3 hours. Even though my “fast” was not a significant length of time (and being pregnant it shouldn’t have been), God gave me what I needed. However at that time, I didn’t do a whole lot with the information. I thought that I knew everything that there was about Jesus. I knew the gospels. I had heard all the stories about Jesus since birth. I had colored all the coloring sheets. I wasn’t quite sure what else there really was to learn.

Many years later as I became aware of the true impact of the cross, the unbelievably gracious love of God through Christ, and what it meant to really be in relationship, I thought back to that phrase “Focus on Jesus” and really had wished that I had meditated and investigated it a little more. In my 20′s, I really wanted to understand religion beyond the Sunday school bible stories. I wanted to “follow the rules” and please God with my actions. I became aware of an interactive enemy and sought to know all of the religious techniques to ward off the effects of sin such as quoting scriptures, praying a certain way, etc. I was trying to make sure that I was doing everything that I needed to do.

Then God unveiled to me through a precious woman the message of grace vs. law….not just being saved by grace, but living out a life full of God’ grace everyday of my life. This kind of living is truly peaceful; when we know truth, we truly are set free (John 8:32). I never realized the degree that I was living in bondage. I thought that I had been freed because I was saved and God had healed me from a childhood of sexual abuse, but I had never experienced true freedom until I heard and started to understand the full message of grace. I was held captive to a measuring stick never truly understanding that their was nothing in which to measure. Jesus measured up on my behalf. Jesus justified me. I didn’t have to prove myself. I was free to simply be who God created me to be. As our focus is on the pureness of Jesus and the work that he did on our behalf, our life lines up with the demands of scripture…not by our doing but by Christ’s doing. How beautiful and freeing!!! How I wish that I had listened to that still small voice so many years ago…