Sean and I have been doing a lot of reflecting the past couple of days. I am using this blog sort of like my own personal journal that gives a glimpse of my life to whoever stumbles upon it. Really, it is like you were coming into my bedroom stumbling onto my journal hidden in my nightstand and viewing my most private thoughts and musings. Hence, as I am sure you can tell from past blogs, you are getting a “real” view of our trials, tribulations, and victories. Transparency has brought so much healing into my life. I have learned that what is hidden in darkness can be used to torment and keep you in bondage while what is revealed in the open daylight gives you freedom and forms impactful testimonies.


We have been reflecting quite a bit on the topic of education lately. August of 2005, we moved into a new area. My daughter had been in a really good preschool that had formed in our church in McKinney, and I had wanted the same experience for her in Bonham. I looked around and didn’t really see anything that had impressed me. In January of 2006, I had accepted the role of Children’s Director at a church in Bonham. The pastor had an instant trust in me despite the little bit of time that he had known me, and he had agreed for me to start a preschool in the Fall of 2006. This preschool was a catalyst for the beginning of Forerunner Christian Academy, a preschool through 12th grade program, started by myself, my sister, Angela Bynum, and a friend that had attended that church, Elizabeth Beber. We all had a desire for a school that would give our children a great education while building in them a strong relationship with Jesus. We wanted to impact the community while equipping parents and teaching the children. The struggles were many throughout my time at FCA. We opened a private school in an area where maybe only 10% of the students could even afford to pay the tuition. We continually fought people in the community who were very opposed to a private school being planted, in a community very “stuck” in it’s ways and very proud and loyal to its public school heritage even though it was never about public vs. private school. We were just a group of parents wanting something different for our children. Small thinking tends to view anything different as wrong.

My eyes were opened to many things good and bad in people throughout my time at FCA. Last night just before falling asleep, I told Sean how ironic it was that God had placed me in that position when before I had been such a people pleaser. I had wanted people to like me, and I just wanted everyone to get along. However, I never had a problem standing up for something that I believed was right. I think my experience served to really define what I believed in and what I didn’t believe in. When you are in the middle of challenges, your true character is easily revealed. I had gotten to the point by the time that my season was over at FCA that I really didn’t care what people thought about the decisions that I made as long as the decisions were in line with the word of God. I made them because they were right. My struggle with knowing the decision that needed to be made and still worrying about what people thought of me had ended. As an Administrator of a school, you typically always have someone mad at you and thinking that you are unfair. Very few people that I ran across would hear a decision and accept it gracefully and without gossip and/or slander. God had taught me to stand strong in decisions no matter the outcome.

I have seen many people envy the ones in leadership. I have seen many people want leadership positions. I have seen many people want to be “in” what is considered the inner circle. I really don’t think that they have a clear understanding of what it really means to be a leader. I have seen people tear down good leadership viciously because of their own issues; I have experienced this myself. It is one of the non-glorious aspects of being a leader. However, it is a character builder. As much as I hated going through it, I always came out stronger on the other side.

God places particular people in leadership for a reason. He is the one who assigns roles. We are to honor authority if for no other reason than because God placed them in this role. I went through some very ugly situations with some staff and parents. Most I could handle ok, one in particular started with one or two staff members and spread like a virus to nearly all the staff. It stemmed from jealousy and envy. It stemmed from wanting to be in what they considered the inner circle. Even the concept of an inner circle was being challenged. It wasn’t called that but it was obvious that there was a tight core of us that had been in the trenches together, had weathered some pretty tough storms, and had formed a tight trust. We knew that no matter what happened that we could trust each other with any area of our life. Even now if anyone those families called me, even though now we are not connected through our ties with FCA, I would drop everything and be by their side. My roots of loyalty run deep. That is how an inner circle is formed…through trust and sticking it out together. Not demanding to be a part. Not showing up and expecting admission. It is earned. The fact that gossip, jealousy, envy, negativity, tearing down of leadership, and spreading dissension like wildfire was what bubbled to the surface was confirmation right away as to why these particular people were not in what they considered the “inner circle”. Any leader is very wise to surround himself or herself with a tight knit group of people who encourage, edify and provide support and council. I knew that I could count on my inner circle of people that they would never tear me down, that if I made a mistake they would approach me and not go behind my back or use it as opportunity to tear me down and build themselves up. This type of behavior is why organizations or groups crumble. If you want to be in an inner circle where ever you are, be faithful, be trustworthy, be an encourager, be a defender, stand the test of time. If you are able to submit to the authority that God has placed you under and be a good follower, then He can trust you to be a good leader. You can’t be a good leader if you are unable to respect others in positions of leadership.

Since my departure from FCA, I have had the opportunity to experience this behavior on the other side. I was acquainted with some people who left our church. Negativity was being spread even though I think the people thought they were trying to contain it. People I know were impacted and their thoughts and views on the leadership were challenged because of influences not because of their own experiences. Even if you think you are “mature” enough to handle listening…you are not. I say that with all due respect. :) That is why God wants us to come to Him with all of our complaints and sufferings. He doesn’t tell us to go to our neighbor.

Before my experience in a leadership position, I may have listened in to these gripings and complaints. However, I wanted no part. I have seen first hand what it can do to the one who listens and how much pain it can cause the one being accused. Everyone has their faults…we are all human. In every situation, we have to focus on the good in others. If we focus on the bad, it spreads and eats away at everything around us. If it is your time to leave a particular place or situation, do it with grace, dignity, honor, and respect.

I challenge you to choose honor instead of gossip. I challenge you to choose lightness instead of darkness. You will be amazed at how much your world will change if you make these simple adjustments and focus on the good in others.

I really didn’t intend to go this direction with this post. I started out to discuss some new theories on education; however, apparently this needed to be discussed. :) I have no ill feelings towards those few people that caused so many issues. I chalk it up to ignorance in knowing how to properly handle issues and the lack of knowledge in knowing how or why God wants us to honor the people that he has placed in our lives. Every single person is in our life for a reason. They are there to encourage or challenge us.

Despite the challenges at FCA, the main challenge being the lack of funds; I remained faithful for the duration that God had me there. I devoted 4 years of my life to FCA. We made many sacrifices as a family. We poured in thousands of dollars. We gave up our summers to ensure that the next school year would be better than the last. For a position that can pay $50,000 – $100,000+, I never took a paycheck. We made “loans” to the school that we never demanded repayment. I cried many tears of sorrow and many tears of joy. I lived for the many miracles that I saw that confirmed that God’s hand was over us. When, God said that it was time to let go; I obeyed. I cried, had days that I felt weak and thought that I would vomit. This school was a dream that God had placed in my heart. Something that I had grabbed onto with everything that I had and fought for it every step of the way. I stood against the people who said that it would never happen. We believed past the people who said that it wasn’t financially possible. I grieved from the time that I knew that I would be leaving until the day we moved from Bonham. I don’t think many even realized how much it hurt. I had to be strong. I had to maintain a presence as we made transitions that would ensure success for FCA after my departure. I endured people not understanding my choices. I endured people questioning whether I was hearing from God correctly. I understand that it was out of their own confusion and pain. It was a very difficult process.

On the other side, I know that I made the right decision and that I was walking in the will of God. The right leaders were put into place, and FCA is still flourishing without my presence. I knew that I wouldn’t be in Bonham forever and desired to build up a team who could run the school after I was gone. I never knew the timing, but I knew the day would come. This had been the second time that we had been questioned on following the path that God had set for us at a major turning point in our life. We never waivered; we trekked on. God always restores abundantly more than what you left behind in obedience. The first time, I had accepted the role of Children’s Pastor in a church in McKinney. I was very happy and very connected to the kids. We had been at the church our entire adult life and never thought we would leave. At almost my 1 year anniversary, God told us it was time to go. We obeyed despite the reaction of the church, and God gave me an entire private school to lead. I cannot even imagine what God has in store for me this time around, but I know it will be great because I serve a great God and am willing and obedient to follow Him where ever He sends me despite the sacrifices because that which He has planned for me is much better than what I could plan. I actually even had someone approach me recently who had heard about my work at FCA and had a desire to financially back me if I would be interested in starting a school with many campuses in many communities. This man has many influencial connections, and I know that all the financial needs of the schools would be met. I stood amazed at the trust as this man barely knew me. I am not sure if this will come to pass. I am not sure if it is God’s will for me at this point. However, it has served as a massive expression of love from my God whom I massively love.

I share these stories for one reason alone and that is that they will inspire you and encourage you to press on. I have very strong, unwavering opinions on certain aspects of life because I have lived through it and have seen both sides. Choose good. Choose life. Our life is product of the choices that we make. Situations can be hard and people can be difficult, but with God on our side, we will always come out victorious!